Nothing dont go here eather

Ok, if your unda 14 stop rite dere. U not louda go down no moor and if ur parents find ouut il b in big trubble even tho i aint the 1 controlling da mouse, but go ok!

LOVE SHACK

Oral sex- an ode to love

Penis breath, a lover's dread

Is what you get when you give head,

unpleasant as it tends to be

Be grateful that he doesn't pee

it's times like this, you wonder why

you bothered reaching for his fly

but it's too late, can't be a tease

Accpt the facts, get on your knees

you know you've got a job to do

So open wide and shove it through

Lick the tip and take it all

don't drag your teeth or he might bawl

Slide up and down, use your tongue

and feel the precum start to run

so when the fucks he's gonna come

just, when you can't take anymore

you hear your's lovers mighty roar

and when he hits that real high note

you feel it oozing down your throat

salty, fishy, sticky, yucky stuff

Okay, already that's enough

lets switch you say, before you gag

and whats your revenge, your on the rag.

more sex poems

Bash me, beat me, bite my bum,

Wrip me, strip me, 'til I come,

Fuck me suck me lick me out,

Pull my nipples 'til I shout

A hug turns into a kiss,

A kiss turns into a lick,

A lick turns into a suck,

A suck turns into a Fuck,

So come ova ere and give me a hug!!!!!!!!

In a garden, Up a tree,

Make her wet make her pee,

suck her clit, suck her tit,

make her swallow never spit,

when your done, wipe her bum,

take her home & fuck her mum.

LoL Corporate Condoms LoL

Nike Condoms - Just do it

Toyota Condoms - Oh what a feeling

Ford Condoms - The ride of your life

Microsoft Condoms - Where do you want to go today?

Optus Condoms - Yes!

KFC Condoms - Finger lickin' Good

M&M's Condoms - Melt in your mouth not in your hands

Duracell Condoms - Keep going and going and going

Pringles Condoms - Once you pop you can't stop

Sydney Olympic Condoms - Share the spirit

Hyundai Condoms - All day, everyday

Tip top Condoms - Good onya mum

Panasonic Condoms - Even more than you expected

VB Condoms - As a matter of fact, I've got one now

Swan lager Condoms - They said you'd never make it...

Vegemite Condoms - Puts a rose in every cheek

Harn Condoms - How can one man have so much talent

Levi Condoms - Do you fit the legend

Nescafe Condoms - It brings you together

Quicken Condoms - Quicken easy

*The following brands probally wont sell as well*

Mitsubishi Condoms - Please consider

AFL Condoms - I'd like to see that

Goodyear Condoms - If it only saves you once a year...

Samboy Condoms - The flavour really hits you

TAC Condoms - Speed kills

Nobby's Condom - Nibble Nobby's Nuts

Bolle Condoms - Put them on your face

Kahlua Condoms - Drink the rhythm

100% SEX

WARNING: If you are under 15, you should not be viewing the following information!!!

(well at least we tried! We all know your going to scroll down anyway!)

SEX SLANG!

(1) Blow job/going down/ head job
THE REAL THING: Fellatio
WHAT IS IT? Stimulation of the penis by kissing, licking or sucking.

(2) Boner / stiffy / hard on / woody
THE REAL THING: An erection
WHAT IS IT? When the penis becomes hard and enlarged. It happens when a guy is sexually aroused.

(3) Cum / spoof / spunk
THE REAL THING: Semen
WHAT IS IT? Fluid containing sperm that comes out of the penis before, during and after ejaculation.

(4) Pussy / vag / snatch / clacker / muff
THE REAL THING: Vagina
WHAT IS IT? The female genitals.

(5) Fingering
THE REAL THING: Maturbation.
WHAT IS IT? When a guy inserts his finger into a girls vagina.

(6) Frigid / tight / prick tease
THE REAL THING: Someone (usually a girl) who's scared of sexual intimacy.
WHAT IS IT? An unfair assumption.

(7) Going down / downtown
THE REAL THING: Cunnilingus.
WHAT IS IT? Stimulation of the vagina by kissing, licking, or sucking.

(8) Norks / hotters / funbags / knockers / jugs / tits
THE REAL THING: Breasts.
WHAT IS IT? Mammory glands that feed babies and play an important part in sexual arousal.

(9) One-eyed snake / knob / love muscle / old fella / donger
THE REAL THING: Penis
WHAT IS IT? The male genitals.

(10) Shag / bonk / root / screw / nail / bone
THE REAL THING: Sexual intercourse.
WHAT IS IT? When a guy inserts his penis into a girl's vagina.

(12) Hand job / spanking the monkey / slapping the salami / wanking / jacking off.
THE REAL THING: Masturbation
WHAT IS IT? Stimulation of the penis by rubbing or stroking.

(13) 69er
THE REAL THING: Simultaneous fellatio and cunnilingus.
WHAT IS IT? When a couple give each other oral sex at the same time.

(14) Skanky ho / slut / tramp
THE REAL THING: A trashy girl who sleeps around.
WHAT IS IT? An unfair assumption.

Top 10 Places to have sex:

1. In your bed

2. In your parents bed

3. In his car

4. On a washing machine, while running

5. In a hot tub

6. On a beach, down in the sand

7. On a comfy couch with the TV on

8. On a waterbed

9. A plane bathroom

10.In the rain**

Top 10 Places NOT to have sex

1. In the movies

2. In a car... WHILE YOU'RE DRIVING!

3. In front of all of your friends

4. In a phonebooth

5. In your best friend's bed

6. At Grandma's house

7. At school

8. In your dirty basement

9. In the street

10.ON-LINE**

Top three things to say before having sex:

1. I love you (but only if you mean it)

2. Rock my world

3. Let's get ready to RUMBLE...

Top three things NOT to say before having sex:

1. Is this gunna hurt?

2. Sure....I've done this thousands of times...

3. Are you sure it's on there?

Top 3 things to say after sex:

1. Are you sure this was you're first time?

2. Gotta cigarette?

3. Wanna do it again?

Top 3 things NOT to say after sex:

1. That was IT??

2. I think I hear my mom calling me ---- see ya

3. OOPS, the condom broke! My bad!

Sex Jokes

What dosent belong in this list: Meat, eggs, Wife or blowjob?

Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs, wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.

Why does a penis have a whole in the end?

So men can be open minded

Whats the speed limit of sex?

68 because at 69 you can turn around

What does a rubix cube and a penis have in common?

The longer you play with them the harder they get

What's the difference between your pay check and your cock?

You don't have to beg your wife to blow your pay check!

three words to ruin a mans ego

"is it in?"

How does a man know that they have a high sperm count?

If a girl has to chew, before she swallows

What do you get when you cross raggedy Ann and the pillsbury Dough boy?

A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.

How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?

one of his fingers is clean

Whats the biggest fish in the world?

A whore, if you catch one you can eat her for months

Whats the difference between parsley and pussy?

Nobody eats parsley

What green, slimy and smells like miss piggy?

Kermits finger

What do you do with 365 used rubbers?

Melt them down, make a tire, and call it goodyear

What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?

They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber brakes your screwed

What happened when the mouse went up the ladies leg?

The pussy ate it